Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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