why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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