I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
