Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
