My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Shitshow foam night was such a success
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
