I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
