i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
