This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
