get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Need sex. Gaining weight.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
