if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
