He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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