What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize