He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
