he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
