Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
