I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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