some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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