You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
