bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
