drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
