So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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