look no pants
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
