Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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