Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
