Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize