I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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