he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize