If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
