Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
