i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
