she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You have to summon your inner elephant
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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