singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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