I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
