God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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