If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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