I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize