I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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