Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
