dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
