So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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