You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
