No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
