I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
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