If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
