so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
