so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
