Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
