What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
