my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
