If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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