dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
