I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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