No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
