Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
