it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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