pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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