I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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