how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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