yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
