He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
