if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
