And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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