I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
