Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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