A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
