then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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