oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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