My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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